May you live every day of your life. Jonathan Swift

Death ends a life, not a relationship.  Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie


Almost two months ago my best friend passed away a mere 7 months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I don't tell you this for any other reason than perhaps to process my own grief and understand the transition, even drastic turn my life has taken. I tell you this because as so many of us have come to realize, our lives are precious and worth living completely and consciously every moment. Life is going to take us in many directions; some we've planned, some we haven't even been able to imagine, and we can consider ourselves blessed when we have people with whom we can share, process and experience our lives with; for me that person was my best friend.

I find myself torn almost daily between my Spiritual beliefs knowing that my friend is on the next part of her journey and faced her death without fear, almost welcoming the 'adventure' (her words) of what was ahead, and the very human and earthly grief I experience at her absence from my daily life. We truly shared one another's lives each and every day talking on the phone (she moved to Portland, Oregon several years ago) and visiting one another when we could. We kept each other company sometimes for hours as we went about our tasks through the day. I find myself yearning to pick up the phone and call her and sometimes am just not sure what to do with myself not having her to process the moment with. It's a new life these days without her in it. 

So as I said, I'm torn. I miss my friend terribly, and I feel truly blessed that she was in my life and yet I know our relationship isn't over it's just changed. I will figure out new ways to process my life, and new ways to honor the friendship I had for 14 years. I'll keep you all posted. The grief is fresh, I'm still getting used to this new life, but I can tell you this - love never goes away and true friendship is an incredible gift. Thank you are the only words I have to express what is in my heart. Thank you.